What You Don't Know About Manic Depression Could Fill A Book

Ok, so I have bi-polar brain chemistry. It’s not catching, and it is highly manageable but only if I take responsibility for the diagnosis. Like a diabetic will, or an alcoholic could. What I do know is, without treatment, the condition gets worse and never better. It, like alcoholism, is a progressive disease.

It is also a no-fault illness, which means I am not an immoral person. I’m just me, the way God made me: bi-polar and a lesbian. Lesbian: I don’t even know if I identify with the word as it is used today. Seems too fashionable. I know women who started dating other women simply because it seemed like a fun thing to do. And it is, don’t get me wrong. But I am not a lesbian, really. What I really am is a Cynthian. I love a person who happens to be a woman and who is named Cynthia. If you knew her, you’d love her too. I’m also in love with her. You might be too, if you knew her.

Back to the bi-polar thing, or manic-depressive condition. Kay Redmond Jamison, author of “An Unquiet Mind” prefers the term manic-depressive; she thinks bi-polar masks the nature of the diagnosis. I remember when the local hospital changed the name of the mental health unit to “behavioral health”. It was sort of silly. I guess they are saying that my mental state is just dandy, but my behavior needs some work. It’s true, I could use some work on my behaviors but so could everyone else. No one is perfect and I’ve seen perfectly sane people behave in some crazy ways. So I guess what I’m saying is people who live in glass houses are in for a big surprise when they throw stones. Remember what Jesus said: let him among you who is without sin cast the first stone. Unqualified stone-casters, that’s what many people are if you ask me.

Some of the most brilliant people in the known world are or were manic-depressive.  Visit this site for a partial list:  http://www.mental-health-today.com/bp/famous_people.htm

So what’s the point? The point is I am willing to grow along spiritual lines. That means calling it like I see it, in a loving way: the three Sufi gates, remember?

Is it the truth?
Does it need to be said?
Can it be said in loving kindness?

If I answer no to any one of these questions, I best keep my mouth shut, which, of course, is only easy to do when I am in a balanced or a depressed state.  When I’m on the upside, riding my favorite drug, my brain chemistry, there is no edit or 5-second rule monitoring my mouth.  I often say whatever comes to mind, and then have to pick up the pieces down the road, after picking up the tab for my lack of discretion.  I’m getting better though.  More often than not, I wax too fondly rather than cruelly.  

As I said, manic-depression is a progressive disease.  I’ve learned to gather trusted people around me, who can red-flag me when I seem to be going off the deep end, or climbing too high.  With help from my psychiatrist, support group, and medication, my life is better than it has ever been.  Good health practices help also: plenty of sleep, exercise, proper diet and stress management all add to my mental stability.

I’m lucky to be living in an age where reliable treatment is available.  I think of my father, who never received treatment for his diagnosis, and died alone after alienating all his family.  My grandfather lived out his life in an asylum.  I won’t have to experience the same fate as either of them, knock on wood, as long as I continue to accept the responsibility that diagnosis brings.